WTF!? LaCinta <3ed Sloan, and still <3s Sloan… sheds burning tears of hot sauce upon discovering that Sloan is being subject to supporting Lenny Kravitz tour! Blasphemy! LaCinta to buy tickets, attend Sloan’s opening act, and then get the hell out ASAP. Thank god they’re not supporting Nickelback’s tour… I’d have to stop defending their relevance.

LaCinta always misses Sloan concerts.  It’s been happening for decades (wait, how old are Sloan?).  Now we have the opportunity to see Sloan, and they’re opening for Lenny Kravitz!? LENNY KRAVITZ!!! WTF is the world coming to.  Is Sloan really so under-appreciated that it must support Lenny “I won’t play till I get a chocolate chip cookie” Kravitz. I mean come on, his biggest song was a cover. A COVER SONG. Gosh darn the world is unjust.

Why the hell is Lenny always naked in his promo-photos!? Is that really necessary?  I mean yes, you are a black mainstream rock n’ roll artist whose body has yet to be completely destroyed by drugs, but give me a break.  Is your personal brand naked black rock guy???  Notice the arrows above, Lenny’s poses usually have 4 totally unnecessary features.  This one, has one nipple ring + one nipple ring + python on the guitar + I don’t even like hearing your voice and you insist on showing me your pubes???  And were those sunglasses actually a style!?

Sloan recorded One Chord to Another (1997); arguably the greatest Canadian record of all time.  It won a JUNO, for BEST ALT ALBUM.  Do you know how hard it is to win a Juno? HAHAHA! Well, not very hard… but that’s not the point.  Sloan deserved that Juno dammit!  And it’s not like they’re ever going to be eligible for a Grammy, when you’re Canadian, you have to be as cool as say Celine Dion, Shania Twain, Nickelback, Alanis Morissette, or the Barenaked Ladies to win a Grammy.  Sloan has never been nominated for a Grammy, but every album they record gets nominated for a Juno, and they always clean house at the East Coast Music Awards… Gosh, music awards like totally define the authenticity of a band… let Sloan feel authentic y’all!

Did you even know that Sloan released an album this year!?  Because I know, but I think I’m alone.  And it’s actually pretty good. And did you know that Sloan’s 2006 LP Never Hear The End of It had 31 songs on it?  31 SONGS!  Sloan are indie-pop-rock machines!

OK.  I’ve ranted and defended the best Canadian band ever… next up, why Thrush Hermit is the other most under-appreciated Canadian indie-rock act of all time.  And no, Broken Social Scene is not a band, it’s a collective, duh!

Listening to Now: Sloan Parallel Play (2008).  I just Pitchfork’d this album, and it got a 7.6/10. For those in the know, that’s a respectable score from them pretentious assholes… and if memory serves me right, a 7.6 might be just high enough to earn a “recommended” position on PFM.  But Sloan would probably have to be like a brand new band without a label or any fans to qualify.  But I suppose, alas, that it’s just the same good ‘ol consistent indie-pop-rock again and again… buy a MacBook, and GarageBand your tunes like Justice, and you’ll be back on top Sloan!!!


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