This to be the most cryptic headline to date: Something happens in a video today, that happened in a video a while back, that sort of happens in another video and song, that makes me want to make fun of Canadians (and Americans too).

Watch me!

Watch me!

Watch me!

Watch me!

Oh wow!  You guys just got so Krueg’d (and apparently over 15 million YouTube viewers have been Krueg’d by this video too!)

I guess it makes sense that the worst Canadian band’s music video should feature a cameo by the most recognizable Canadian hockey player.  WTF are you doing in that video Wayne Gretzky!? Did you get fired from promoting the CBC, Diet Coke, Nike, Bud Light, Ford, McDonald’s, ESPN, JVC, Qwest Telecommuncations, 7-Up, Neilson’s Mr Big Candy Bars, Upper Deck Hockey Cards, Tifan/Jofa Hockey Equipment, Cannon, Easton Hockey, Ultra Wheels Fruitboots, Titan Hockey Sticks, table hockey, video games, Estates Winery, and American Express after that little gambling controversy in 2006? Tough up for work?

And why hasn’t the United Nations pressured Canada into making it illegal for Chad Kruegar to record music!?

I have a friend in Abbotsford, Canada that lives next door to Chad Kruegar.  I can’t sleep at his house.  It’s like sleeping next to a Vampire Nest, only there’s no erotic curiosity to motivate me to stay and face certain death.  And I want to know why – considering Kruegar is rich – does he want to live in Abbotsford?  If you haven’t been to Abbotsford before, it’s full of cows (like livestock cows) and gangsters – that’s it.

La ¡Cinta! and some hip little Vancourites once got invited to a “VIP” room to hang out with Krueger and his entourage.  One of the gals we were with turned to the crony, and responded “Chad Krueger? FUCK Chad Kreguer!) And with that our dreams of poking fun at Chad Krueger in person were destroyed.

This “video recommendation” was sent to me by a Canadian reader.  This Canadian reader also pointed out his favorite “user uploaded” video on YouTube (Caution: For those of you at work, the camera operator is obnoxious and vulgar, so maybe turn the volume down a little, but not right off):

Gosh darn.  Every time I go and get it into my head that I’m a redneck, YouTube goes and totally puts me to shame – and “thanks to Budweiser [he] got the job done… [and] how do you spell video?” (And LaMescla thought he was a bad ass off-roader)

So speaking of Nickelback, this one time my roommate hid a Nickelback album on my computer, and when I was asleep at night he snuck in, put the music on, and went outside the room to wait.  A few songs later I awoke suddenly after having a horrifying nightmare starring Chad Kruegar and his music.  I started screaming and swearing (seriously) and pretty much panicked.  It was dark and I was confused and couldn’t figure out where I was or where the music was coming from.  I finally figured it out and frantically clicked the mouse on my computer until the music stopped.  I was naked, and sweaty, and terrified, and my friends were outside my room rolling over in laughter.  Krueg’n is one hell of a practical joke.

So if anyone has “real” connections in television, I’m dieing to do a reality TV show that spoofs Ashton Kutcher’s Punk’d.  It’s going to be called Krueg’d, and feature people “accidentally” being put into situations where they have to deal with something Chad Kruegar-esque.  I figure Canadians would go for it – ’cause I’m pretty sure they’re usually just stuck with American reality TV – but then again, they might not get the joke, ’cause I’m pretty sure Chad Krueger’s face is on their “Tooney” (that’s the name of their 2-dollar-coin!) – bunch of wankers.  Although, Americans would probably get it less (’cause a lot of things go right over their heads, like why an entire nation taking on huge debt is a bad thing), and I think Nickelback is actually more popular in America then in Canada.

Shortly after my friends and I started Krueg’n each other, I got Rick Rolled for the first time, and was pissed that someone beat us to the punch.

Alright, I apologize for putting you through all that.  To make up for it, here’s a killer new unreleased Beck single that just got leaked:

Oh man.  Wasn’t that awesome!?  I can’t believe it.  You totally just got Kreug’d again.  Accept this was no ordinary Krueg’n, this was that Nickelback “mix” from a few years back that stirred so much controversy.  It’s called “How You Remind Me of Someday,” which apparently is a combination of the titles of 2 songs (pretty clever, eh!?).  Mikey Smith, a Canadian student/musician, layered 2 Nickelback singles on top of one-another, and realized that the 2 songs were virtually identical.  Big surprise eh?  I mean come on, Nickelback is so not formulaic guys, they are like the best band ever!

Listening to Now: Horse Feathers House With No Name (2008)


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