I know we promised to shut up about Oasis, but we didn’t see this coming. Apparently all the posters Oasis guerrilla marketed around city centers world wide did not create enough hype (go figure) for the forthcoming album, which I pride myself in not knowing the title of.
So Noel Gallagher challenged Jack White to a fight to the death. This is what Noel told NME:
“It’s a piss take that the greatest British agent of all time has to be soundtracked by a bunch of fucking Americans.”
Since, you know, no American has ever written a Bond theme before, and everyone who works on and owns James Bond is entirely British. Like not an American in the crowd.
And NOW, well my compadres, gather in a circle around the fire (don’t forget your ponchos it’s kind of chilly out tonight) and listen to this here story:
Jack and Noel went up the hill to fetch a pale of water.
Noel fell down and re-broke his rib cause Jack kicked his ass a game of rock n’ roll.
Now Noel is sore and wishes he could write a Bond theme song.
Tell that one to your kids at night.
I also just discovered that Noel inspired Lars Ulrich (of Metallica) to quit cocaine. Well that’s just great you guys. You know what Noel and Lars inspired me to do? Lose all faith in the future of mainstream rock n’ roll.
Furthermore, Noel’s brother Liam also recently called Coldplay and Radiohead fans “ugly and boring.” Well he’s right about Coldplay fans – bunch of wankers! But Radiohead fans, come on! La ¡Cinta! is a Radiohead fan and LA ¡CINTA! IS NOT UGLY AND BORING!!!
Let’s play ourselves a little game here. I’ll ask a question, and I’ll answer the same question on behalf of the world:
Q: Who is ugly and boring?
A: Oasis is ugly and boring.